How To Teach Consent Through the Lifespan

Start the conversation early and raise confident, empowered children.

What Is Consent?

Consent is defined as asking for permission and accepting the answer.

When we talk to children about consent, we are teaching them two things:

1. YOU control your body and can clearly communicate your boundaries to others.

2. OTHERS have control over their bodies, and we ask before touching them.

Consent isn't just about sex, it's a lifelong conversation that should start early. We all give and accept consent in different ways every day!

How To Teach Consent in Early Childhood (ages 0-5)

Core Message:

Your body is your own, and you get to decide what happens to it*.

At this age, kids are learning about emotions & language.

This is the perfect time to:

• Teach about boundaries and personal space (your “bubble.”)

• Model consent in all your relationships.

• Normalize calling private parts by their correct names. This removes 

      any stigma or shame. 

• Help them name their feelings and trust their instincts.

• Let them know that safe adults might ask them not to share a surprise, but never to keep secrets.

• Offer alternatives to hugging or kissing (fist-bump, high-five, blow a kiss.) 

• Give them options while doing things they don’t want to but have to do, like getting dressed or brushing their teeth (see below.)

*Sometimes adults make choices for their kids because it’s their job to keep their child safe and healthy. Explain what’s happening and why, and offer options when doing these things if possible.

Examples:

"It's time to brush your teeth. Do you want to do it, or would you like me to help?"

"Would you like to wear the green or the blue shirt today?"

"Would you like to give Grandma a hug or a high-five?"

How to Teach Consent in Elementary School

(ages 6-11)

Core Messages:

"Your body, your rules."

"We ask first and listen to the answer."

At this age, kids are learning social awareness. This is a great time to...

• Practice asking for permission, and reinforce that “no” is a complete answer.

• Explain that consent applies beyond touch. We give and ask for consent in many ways every day.

• Use role-play to build confidence, saying things like “I don’t want a hug right now.”

• Talk about good vs. bad touches and respect for privacy.

• Keep consent and permission part of everyday conversation.

Examples:

"Do you want to play with me?"

"I don't like it when you grab my arm. Please stop."

How to Teach Consent in Middle School

(ages 11-14)

This is a time of significant change – puberty, early "dating," and the onslaught of social media. Kids may feel confused and rely on peers or the media for answers.

What to teach:

• Consent is given and received

• How to identify safe, trusted adults

• That consent applies online too

• Introduce FRIES (see next page.) Discuss what each word means in context.

• Talk about media messages, respect in digital spaces, and how to handle peer pressure.

• Make a plan for what they’ll do if someone asks for a private photo.

Examples of asking for consent in middle school:

"Can I post this picture of you?"

"Can I borrow your phone charger?"

"Would you like to go on a date?"

How to Teach Consent in High School

(ages 14+)

Teens may be sexually active or around people who are. Keep the dialogue open. All teens, regardless of gender or orientation, should learn to navigate boundaries with empathy.

Key Topics:

• Consent in romantic relationships

• Talk about how FRIES applies to sex and relationships

• Discuss the examples of consent and relationships they see in media, and elaborate on what is and isn’t healthy or respectful. 

• Discuss alcohol and drugs (remember, discussing does not mean encouraging) and how they affect a person’s ability to give consent. 

• Teach and give examples of non-verbal no’s and body language. Silence isn’t consent, and “I’m not sure” means no.

The "consent talk" should happen early on in a child's life, but should also be woven into the "sex talk" that happens around this age.

Consent is...

Freely Given – Consent is given without force, threats, or pressure.

Reversible – Anyone can change their mind about what they feel like doing, anytime.

Informed – You can only consent to something if you have the full story, are awake, and can understand.

Enthusiastic – YES! Everyone involved should only do things they WANT to do and are excited about. 

Specific – Just because someone says yes to one thing doesn’t mean they consent to everything.

Keep the Conversation Going!

Teaching consent is a lifelong gift. Your ongoing support empowers children to respect themselves and others.

Grandma's Feelings Are Hurt. Now What?

Requiring a child to hug or kiss someone (even a beloved grandparent) sends the message that they can’t say no. While we know the grandparents’ intent is loving, the goal is to teach children that they are the boss of their bodies. This isn’t about protecting children from grandparents—it’s about creating a family culture where consent, respect, and communication are modeled every day. However, sometimes feelings get hurt or people may not understand.

Parents can start an open, respectful conversation by:

1. Acknowledging the friend or family member’s need for connection.

2. Clearly stating why you are teaching your children to assert their boundaries.

3. Listening to their perspective and asking about their boundaries as well

Resources

Books

Don't Hug Doug (He Doesn't Like It)

Carrie Finison

Ages 3-7

Yes! No! A First Conversation About Consent

Megan Madison, Jessica Ralli, & Isabel Roxas

Ages 2-5

No Means No!

Jayneen Sanders

Ages 3-9

My Body! What I Say Goes!

Jayneen Sanders

Ages 3-9

Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept

Jayneen Sanders, Ages 3-11

Videos

Note: The video below discusses sensitive material including molestation and what to do if someone touches your private parts.

Claire’s Community provides a suite of programs that teach healthy relationship skills and challenge and disrupt social norms around relationship violence.

We provide education for all age groups and believe that violence prevention is possible as long as we work together to empower our communities and keep them safe.