Signs of Coercive Control

Coercive control refers to any pattern of behavior an abuser uses to dominate their partner and limit their freedom and confidence in themselves. Because of the subtle nature of coercive control, it's hard to spot. Abusers often isolate their victims and wrap them into their reality, leaving them with no one on the outside to observe and call out the abusive behavior. Learn more about tactics used by abusers to coercively control their victims here.

1. Mocking Your Interests

Mocking interests and other forms of belittling are designed to make the survivor feel unimportant, deficient, or foolish. Eventually, the survivor may start to devalue themselves and the things they enjoy, making more room for the abuser to assert control.

2. Controlling Appearance

Telling a partner what they can and cannot wear is a more blatant form of coercive control. The abuser may accuse the victim/survivor of trying to attract the attention of other people and blame them for their own jealous behavior. The goal is to get the victim/survivor to concede to their demands, putting them further under their grasp.

3. Emotional Blackmail

Emotional blackmail and manipulation are a core component of coercive control. Guilt-tripping can create a cycle of self-blame and apology, where the victim feels responsible for their abuser's well-being and happiness. Threats of self-harm create a pervasive atmosphere of fear and compliance, and the constant state of anxiety can cloud judgment and render clear decision-making nearly impossible.

4. Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a complex and difficult-to-spot form of emotional and psychological abuse. By the time gaslighting begins, the abuser has likely chipped away at the victim's self-esteem and self-concept, creating a situation where they are more likely to doubt their own reality. Read more about gaslighting and how to combat it here.

5. Subtle Emotional Digs

Cruel jokes and subtle digs disguised as humor continue to hurt the survivor's self-esteem, especially when combined with gaslighting. The abuser may accuse the victim of taking things "too seriously" or being "too sensitive," making them doubt their reality and feelings.

6. Discouraging Independence

Abusers are able to get away with coercive control and harmful behavior because they make their victim feel alone, or like they have nowhere to turn to. Having friends, coworkers, and community means the victim may share their experience and receive feedback from others that is negative toward the abuser. To counteract this, the abuser may remove opportunities for social interaction from their victim's life over time, ensuring that the victim/survivor is dependent on them – financially, emotionally, and socially.

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