Teen Dating Violence Prevention: Tips for Parents

Adapted from American Academy of Pediatrics, Teen Dating Violence: Tips for Parents. Pediatric Patient Education 2021

Why Teach Healthy Relationship Skills?

Did you know that 70% of youth aged 12-18 report experiencing some sort of abuse?

Relationship violence is a silent epidemic, and the first step to prevention is awareness.

Creating an open and honest dialogue about relationships and sex early on is crucial for healthy development and ensuring that they hold positive standards for themselves even before they begin dating.

Before you speak, consult research-based, trustworthy sources, especially if you anticipate questions for which you may not have the answers. Our website is full of information!

In Discussion With Your Teen...

Encourage An Open and Honest Dialogue

• Listen more. Lecture less.

• Be sensitive to the pressures of adolescence and provide understanding, support, and guidance – but know the limits you must set for your teen’s safety.

• Pause and reflect before responding.

• Help talk them through their options. Make suggestions rather than tell them what to do.

Broach the Topic

• Broach the topic of dating violence in less intrusive ways, ie. "Have you seen any abusive behavior between two people who were dating? What do you think that would look like?"

• Familiarize yourself with concepts like red flags of an unhealthy relationship and victim-blaming so you are prepared to discuss them if they come up.

• Have conversations about consent early and often.

Day-To-Day

• Use instances of unhealthy relationships in media as examples of power/control disparities.

• Familiarize yourself with the 10 Signs of Unhealthy and Healthy Relationships and use each in plain language when you see or hear about behavior that exemplifies them.

• If your child is LGBTQ+, do extra research on what relationship violence looks like in queer relationships.

Warning Signs of Abuse

Some of these changes are normal for adolescents, but be aware.

School

• Failing grades

• Dropping out of school

• Truancy

Attitude/Mood

• Acting out

• Secrecy

• Difficulty making decisions

• Having crying spells

• Constantly thinking about their partner

Activities

• Avoiding friends or changing peer groups

• Giving up activities, interests, or family time

• Changes in eating/sleeping habits

• Using drugs, alcohol, or tobacco

If You Think Your Teen May Be In An Abusive Relationship...

• Consult empirically-tested resources about approaching this topic. Prepare what you are going to say.

• Tell them you are worried and give specific examples of abusive behaviors you have seen.

• In discussion, focus on the behavior rather than the partner.

• Ask if they are safe and what you can do to support or help.

• Create a safety plan and consult a professional for resources and tips on intervention.

What You Can Say

Many victims of dating violence have been able to change their lives after they began talking with others. It is important for your teen to talk about dating violence, either with you or with another trusted adult.

Here are some things you can say:

• “I care about what happens to you. I love you, and I want to help.”

  
  

• “If you feel afraid, it may be abuse. Sometimes, people act in ways that are scary and make you feel threatened, even without physical threats. Pay attention to what you are feeling.”

• "No one has the right to control you or what you do."

  
  

• "You are not to blame, even if they try to make you feel guilty. This should not be happening to you."

  
  

• "They have a problem, not you. It is not your responsibility to help them change."

We encourage you to attend a Claire's Community learning session to get more effective, evidence-based information about relationship violence prevention and learn skills to help you guide your teen through these challenging situations.

Walk In Their Shoes

In Their Shoes helps participants talk about dating today—from the perspective of teens. Through interactive scenarios, they navigate relationship choices and engage with dating partners, family, friends, counselors, etc.

Be an "Askable Adult"

Learn to be an informed, approachable adult who youth can turn to when navigating the challenges of daily life by establishing trust, staying connected, communicating effectively, and being a resource.

Parents Matter!

Along with the companion class for your teen, Relationships Matter, Parents Matter! educates parents about teens' unique challenges and gives them strategies for positive parenting, communication, supervision, and conflict resolution.